So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
