I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
