Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
