Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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