i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
