he thought i was a dude.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
