i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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