she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
