I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
