Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
