You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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