I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
