What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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