proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
