then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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