Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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