Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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