That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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