yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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