Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize