a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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