Your face is a jimmy john
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
