it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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