My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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