Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
