I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
