I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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