By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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