dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
