Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
