Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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