Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
