their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
