Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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