Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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