It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
