areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I party with great urgency now.
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