I queefed so loud it echoed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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