I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
