I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
