Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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