i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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