Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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