every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
vagina is talking i cant
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
