God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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