roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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