just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
