Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
