dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize