He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
