Im at strip club and am horny
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
