The maid of honor just puked.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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