true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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