I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The uberlube is also flammable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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