And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
