Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
