I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
