I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
