so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
