When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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