i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
