Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
