Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
