Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
