i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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