So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
