Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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