Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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