God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
