He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
