i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
