so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
