some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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