I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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