u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
