why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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