i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
