i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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