So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
