Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
