hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
