if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
