I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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